Transparent Homesickness

As Bill Cosby says, "Kids say the darndest things!" How true in the sense that kids are not really socially conscious (or status conscious) enough to really care about what those around them think or feel or judge about them. Sometimes, it can be rather embarrassing, such as when Caleb and Caden blurt out in public, "That person is fat!" Or when Caden exclaimed during our layover in Doha Airport in Qatar, "Look, there's Noah!" when he saw a Middle Eastern man in full Middle Eastern garb with a full beard.

In one sense, kids speaking their mind can be considered a sign of immaturity. But in another sense it can be considered a sign of unabashed transparency. Within the last few days, Caden has been exasperatingly stating, "I want to go home!" Or he will say, "I miss Ahma & Ahgon (Mandarin for Grandma & Grandpa)! I want to go home!" Last night, he woke up and kept screaming, "I want lemonade! I want lemonade! I want lemonade!" (probably because he remembers Ahma always making him homemade lemonade from fresh lemons).

Sometimes it is very sad for us to hear him say things like that. He is simply struggling with homesickness and being verbally transparent. Othertimes it is very frustrating for us to hear, and we wish that he would just adjust like a good missionary. But if we are brutally honest with ourselves, there are moments when we have felt exactly the same way the last few days. The difference is that we have been conditioned as adults to hide our feelings to a certain point. And especially as missionaries, there is an unspoken expectation that we simply need to be holier or "a cut above" in regard to being a Christian. But we are slowly realizing that supressing emotions or feelings can be rather unhealthy.

We were reminded in this morning's prayer time and message from Luke 5 that even though God calls us to realign our priorities with kingdom priorities, missionaries struggle just as much as any other Christians. It's easy to say good-bye yet still continually strive to reclaim all the things that you have forsaken. The staff who shared from the Word this morning reminded us that the difference between a spiritually-minded person and a worldly-minded person is not that they think about different things but that they think about the same things differently. How true. It's not that missionaries are not allowed, for example, to think about money or comfort or security, but that we simply have to think about it (and go about it) in a different way. Jesus calls us to "leave everything and follow him" (luke 5:11), yet he is not blind or ignorant to our needs as well.

Perhaps it would do us (Dave & Lila) good as adults to be transparent with our homesickness. God does not desire for us to hide. God does not desire for us to pretend. He doesn't just want us to bring empty sacrifices. He wants us to bring our hearts. Transparent hearts. Hurting hearts. Honest hearts. Available hearts. Trusting hearts. Obedient hearts. And he will bring about fruit like the amazing catch Apostle Peter witnessed and participated in in Luke 5, which will draw us to our knees in worship. True worship.

Please continue to pray for us. Pray that we may process the transition with each other as husband and wife. Pray that we may process the transition with Caleb and Caden as parents and children. Pray that we may process the transition with our fellow missionaries here in Singapore as brothers and sisters in Christ. We are thankful that we have a team of prayer partners that we can openly share with, a team that is so supportive as is evident in the photo below with the outpouring of love and presence on departure day at the airport. The photo is so special to us that we have decided to make it our desktop background on our laptop. Thank you all. We are reminded once again that though we may feel lonely, we are never alone.